disciplining kids

About a month ago I was at my wits end with my older two kids who are 5 and 3.  The breakdowns over the smallest things, not being polite, constant whining, and not listening were all too much. It just felt like it was all the time! I was desperate for something that would motivate them to behave.  I know positive reinforcement is suppose to be better than just punishing bad behavior, which is what we were doing- time outs for bad behavior. Since what we were doing wasn't working, I was willing to try focusing my effort on positive reinforcement. I should mention I did try making a big deal of their good behavior when I noticed it, but just pointing it out didn't seem to be enough.

In brainstorming what more I could do, I remembered a glass apple jar my 4th grade teacher Mrs. Goss had on her desk.  She would put a marble in it every day we were well behaved.  When it was full of marbles, we got a pizza party. It seemed to help our class, why couldn't it help my kids?  So I started with things I had on hand, beads and a kid size bowl. First, I explained the new system to the kids. Then every time I caught them doing something good, I'd put a bead in their cup.  If they did something bad, I'd take a bead out.  Well, the idea was good, but the cup was too big and it was going to take forever to fill it up! Then my husband came up with a better version; a shoelace. He took two shoelaces (one for each of them) and tied a knot at one end. He colored the end of each one a different color, so we knew which string belonged to which child. Then he made marks about every 10 inches or so up the shoe lace.  Each line is a goal to work toward, a prize that we all decided on together, and when they reach the very top we'll take them to Disneyland! (hopefully that's not TOO soon) So same idea as before, they do something good (be polite, help one another, come when called, do what we ask of them right away...) they get a bead on their string. When they get enough beads to reach the line, they get their prize. The other thing I like about this is that I can put their strings and some extra beads in a plastic bag and stick it in my purse so when we go out I still have them with me to reward them, or take away, when needed. 

It may sound kind of silly, "the bead system" as I call it, but it has really been helping! FINALLY, something that works!  I've seen a lot more good behavior and happier/more helpful attitudes, and their bad behavior is quickly stopped at the threat of a bead being taken away.  Trust me, I still see bad behavior, but nothing like what it once was. They're trying so much harder to be well behaved now. They're always looking for ways to earn beads, which isn't exactly the reason I'd like them to do good things, but at least it's getting them into good behavioral habits. And they still do good things, even when I don't give them a bead. Aiden just reached his first line today! (it's been about 3 or 4 weeks) He was pretty excited. He decided he wanted his first prize to be bowling.  So we'll try to take him sometime this week. 

I don't know if this will work for anyone else, but I think if you're looking for a new idea, it's worth a try.  I think the key is to just find what motivates your child(ren) and go with that.  And definitely rewarding good behavior is a great way to go. I feel like with this system we're all a lot happier.